How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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