wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
