i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
