You're completely useless in the revolution.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
