so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
