Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
