I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
