my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
