I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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