when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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