Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
