It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
