i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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