Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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