Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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