hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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