Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
