Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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