Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
