3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
