in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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