Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
