I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
