need another drink. this is the easiest way
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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