maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
