I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
