First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
