Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
