Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
