I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
