If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
