Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
