All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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