dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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