so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
They have beer where we have blood.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
