my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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