I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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