its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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