Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
