I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
