I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
soo... how was my night?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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