I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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