are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
