You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
