We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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