oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
