Tell her she can't have a vagina
we made out on top of his cat.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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