Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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