He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
