The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
